My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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