my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
