YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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