i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
