So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
