This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
