You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
