The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
