My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
