On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
