i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
