It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
