my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i would punch a child for taco bell
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
