6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize