is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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