I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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