im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
