Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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