Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
