Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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