Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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