Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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