After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
