It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
