If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
