ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize