I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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