Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
