In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You smell like stripper and shame
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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