Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
