so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
