I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
