Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
