When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she pinky promised me she was 18
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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