apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
