So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
