I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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