Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize