i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize