then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
