Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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