Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
