i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is Oprah even human
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
