my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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