my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
