I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
