I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
In America we eat man semen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
