I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
