it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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