Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
