dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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