She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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