he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
