The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
