Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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