some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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