Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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