We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize