I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
