Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
