i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
