dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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