im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize