he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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