why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
